My Toddler Sucks

So this is more a mommy vent vs. an informative “here’s a tip for you” blog post. Because today I just don’t feel like pretending to have any answers. You’re getting a taste of raw Christina.

I'm very well aware that children all develop at different rates and that I shouldn’t compare my child to another, blah blah blah. But I’m frustrated for many reasons over the lack of progress in a few areas. And if I’m frustrated, maybe someone else out there is frustrated, too. Maybe I should just go drink a beer instead of writing a blog post.

My daughter fights sleep with every bone in her little body.

For the past month or so, Sydney hasn’t wanted to go to sleep before 9. Or 10. And sometimes 11! I really had no idea why. No matter what time we got her into the bed, or what type of routine we followed, she flat out refused to go to sleep. Most times she would demand, “Ride!” meaning she wanted to ride around in our car to fall asleep. And my husband and I gave in…a lot…because we wanted her asleep so we could relax. It figures that NOW she wants motion. When she was an infant, she hated her swing.

When I was pretty much at a complete loss, I read this and decided that she must be going through another sleep regression. I was convinced, because at 4 months, she hit her very first sleep regression. I had a really hard time adjusting. She would wake up at 2a and stay awake until 5a. Then I had to go to work and pretend I knew what the f@#% I was doing. I gained 25 pounds during this time, because exhaustion threw my body into constant carb-craving mode. I have still not lost this weight. I’m lazy, I guess.

A few days ago, I saw the (most likely) true culprit for her sleep fighting. Two Year Molars. She still shows 3 signs, (no sleep, drinking excessive amounts of milk, and not wanting to eat) and all this fun were for just the bottom molars. The top molars haven’t even started showing themselves!

My daughter is still not potty trained, nor is she even remotely interested. And she’ll be 3 in November!!!

I partly wonder if this is because she is in a daycare school full of boys her age. She acts like dirty diapers don’t bother her. I try really hard to take her potty every morning and she gets REALLY mad at me for doing this. I even tried using M&Ms as a bribe (something I was actually against) as a reward for going potty. But, it does nothing for her. She could care less that chocolate is associated with peeing. She fights, yells, screams, cries, or melts down on me when I put a pull-up on her and then she demands diapers. I haven’t tried putting her in regular panties, but I have a feeling it wouldn’t work. I think I’ll be part of the 25% of kids who FINISH potty training after the age of 3. Knowing my luck, it will be 4. And if you read the first couple of comments on this article, because my daughter is not potty trained already, Scott and I have very poor parenting skills.

When I Google “potty training” to get strategies, all it really does is infuriate me because I read what seems like the impossible. “My daughter was potty trained at 18 months.” “My daughter was a breeze to train.” “All we did was chase her around with a potty to catch her puddles.” “We sat her on the potty to read books for hours.” WTH?? I don’t have time or patience for that! So we’ll wait, I guess. And while other parents are out and about, taking their kids to public restrooms to use the pot, I’ll be using the bacteria, poop-infested diaper changing station… her legs and torso will be hanging over the sides and I’ll be completely grossed out at the loaf she just pinched in her diaper.

I have a super picky eater.

Sydney NEVER eats what I present to her for dinner, NEVER. It’s maddening. She might pick at what I give her, but for the most part, she just stares at it, plays with it, or throws it and says, “Eww, disgusting!” I feel inadequate as a cook when she does things like that and frankly, me making it look pretty on her plate is a complete waste of time and effort.

Along those lines, she hates most vegetables. She might eat sweet peppers periodically, but as far as snacking on carrots, celery with peanut butter, or eating green beans, peas… even ones out of the can… she 100% refuses. The other night, she proceeded to do nothing but squish each pea I gave her with her fork. She ate zero. It makes me wonder why I even bother feeding her to begin with. It just turns into a big fat waste because it always goes in the trash.

Anyway, there you have some of my current frustrations and otherwise things that make me feel completely inept as a mom.

How I Explain Serious Illness to my Toddler

About a month ago, I mentioned that a hematologist had told my husband that his body makes too many red blood cells. At the time, I didn’t really understand the impact this diagnosis was going to have on my family. All I knew is that we didn’t have to eat a “low purine diet” for gouty arthritis and I was excited.

This past Wednesday, my husband had a bone marrow biopsy to confirm a Polycythemia Vera diagnosis. We don’t have the final results yet, but the hematologist said he’s pretty sure my husband has “P Vera.”

Saline drip after Phlebotomy.

The main treatment for P Vera is phlebotomy, which my husband currently does on a weekly basis. After speaking to the hematologist, he will have weekly phlebotomies for the next 4 to 5 months. The other treatment possibility is chemotherapy drugs, since they suppress the production of red blood cells. When I heard “chemotherapy” – my mind kind of went blank. I, like many people, associate the word “chemo” with “cancer.”

However, P Vera is not cancer. Chemo drugs are considered “broad spectrum” and can be prescribed for other conditions that are not cancer. P Vera is a Myeloproliferative Neoplasm, meaning it’s a disorder of the bone marrow. It’s caused by a genetic mutation, and funny enough, his mom has the same condition, though it hasn’t been proven to be a genetic condition.

The good news with P Vera is that even though it is a chronic condition like asthma or diabetes, it's treatable. And, the extra red blood cells are normal. They are not mutated and they won’t cause the other cells in the marrow to mutate into something abnormal. The bad news is that my husband’s blood viscosity is thicker, which is a serious health risk. He could get blood clots easier, not deliver oxygen to his vital organs like the brain and other tissues, and he is at a higher risk for stroke.

Did I mention that he’s only been 36 for two weeks? 36. He has 14 more years until he hits “middle age.” Our lives are just getting started!

In the midst of all these doctors’ trips and diagnoses, my 2-year-old daughter did question the multiple bandages and gauze/wraps on husband’s arms. The best I could come up with was, “Well baby, your daddy went to the doctor so he can feel better.” Now every time she sees my husband with a wrap around his elbow, she says, “Daddy had to go to the doctor? Make you feel better.”

But with the looming possibility of my husband taking chemotherapy drugs, and knowing these drugs (while helpful) are quite toxic to the body, I can’t help but think of the horrible side effects they can cause. How am I going to explain things like my husband’s constant sleeping, vomiting, or the fact he might lose his hair to our daughter?

So with all these questions, I called a close friend of mine today who is a Psychologist that specializes in Childhood Development. We’ve known each other since our 9^th grade year in high school and I 100% trust her opinion. The first thing she did was reassure me. She also said that my gut mommy feelings were pretty spot on, which makes me feel pretty good. The second thing she did was vocalize thoughts I had, but didn’t know how to put into words.

Her advice was to follow a strategy that I’ve already started:

1) Keep phrases and explanations developmentally appropriate. I find it very easy to overcomplicate situations by being too wordy. I could see myself going overboard with detail about her daddy’s condition, drowning my poor kid in details. And the fact is, she simply won’t understand. Her brain is not developed enough to understand abstract concepts like the organ systems of the human body. But saying something like, “Daddy has those ouchies because the doctor is going to make him feel better” is a more developmentally appropriate approach.

2) Explain how the situation will relate to her. Toddlers will understand a situation better if you can relate it to something concrete that they already understand. Taking the “Daddy has those ouchies” phrase further, I could add, “so when he does feel better, he can play with you more!” Or if my husband is fatigued and goes to bed ultra early, I could say, “Daddy is tired, so he’s going night-night. Just like you get tired and go night-night, too!”

3) Set expectations by giving her examples of things that might change. It is important to make sure my daughter understands what’s coming. If we don’t prepare her, she could become scared because the change is perceived as unexpected. For example, one day her daddy has hair, another day, clumps of it have fallen out so he’s partially bald. So we could show her the pills daddy will have to take and say, “These will make daddy feel better, but they might make daddy’s hair go away.”

4) Let her “play” with some of the items that may have to be used for treatment. I’m not really sure what we would have for her to play with that would be involved in my husband’s treatment, other than bandages or a bottle of pills (which I wouldn't let her touch). But I figure this might be a good idea to expose her to anything "weird" (provided equipment is involved), so she understands and isn’t afraid of what to expect or see.

This is definitely a work in progress for me at this point. We are still in the early stages of treatment, but will be in it for the long haul. The most intense portions will be the next 6 months. Wish us luck, and let me know if you have any pointers on how you would explain illness to your young child.

Five Tips for Going on a Road Trip With Your Toddler

This past Memorial Day, we planned to meet up with some good friends of ours in Austin, TX for the holiday weekend. We’ve known them for around 15 years and our families had never gone on a vacation together. The guys planned on seeing Soundgarden on Saturday night and the ladies and daughters planned on hanging out at the house we rented, grilling, shopping, swimming, watching movies… whatever we felt like doing for the weekend.

Even though Austin is just up the road for us, we still needed to pack and plan. Based on my experience, here are five things I would recommend when travelling with your toddler on the road:

Play a kid friendly radio station. I have an iPhone and use the Pandora app a lot. Sydney’s favorite stations are Yo Gabba Gabba and The Fresh Beat Band. Letting her sing along to the tunes helps her cope with being strapped into the car seat for hours.

Bring your toddler’s favorite (portable) toy or toys. For us, the only "toy" that made sense was the iPad Mini that she and I share. (She tried to bring 100 stuffed animals, but we made her put them back.) The drive to Austin was a good 3 hours due to weekend traffic and pouring rain, so the iPad kept her entertained during the portions of the drive she remained awake. And don’t forget the charger!

Put toddler essentials in one bag. It helped me to have all of Sydney’s “stuff” in a bag by itself, like diapers, wipes, bath stuff, hair stuff, etc. If you have to stop, having everything in one location will be easier than digging into your giant suitcase. Sydney has a rolling Minnie Mouse bag that we used for her things. And she felt like a big girl rolling her own bag around.

Pack snacks. Our trip was short. But on longer rides (like to Lubbock to see our families), we’ve had to pack more strategically… and take off around her sleep schedule. But this go around, I packed a juice, filled a sippy cup full of milk, cut up some apples, and had some crackers ready for the drive.

Stop often. When we went to Austin, traffic was horrendous and the weather was miserable. We saw 3 jack-knifed semis, with one of the trucks losing control literally right in front of us. My leg was pretty tired from hitting the gas pedal and then the brake. Consequently, we stopped 0 times… in 3 hours. Which meant by the time we got to Austin, we needed to change her entire outfit and let the car seat dry out as best as it could (in all that humidity.) So this was a lesson learned for me. No matter what, stop. And bring sanitizer or sanitizing wipes. The public roadside bathrooms are usually nothing short of disgusting. 

And there you have it. Five things that helped us get to Austin with all of our sanity. And hopefully, this gives you some ideas as to what will work best for you and your toddler if you haven’t gone on a road trip yet.

Do you have tips for road trips that I didn’t include? I’d love to hear them!